Making Friends With Platforms
by VladimirsAngel
Summary: Does Raziel ever seem uncooperative to you? Maybe he just doesn't like you as well as me... :)


**MAKING FRIENDS WITH PLATFORMS**

_I don't know why I'm posting this really – it's not so much a story as part long-ago memory of frustration and part a dream I had once. (Yes, I really AM that sad that I dream about stuff like this)Okay. It's pointless. I'll go home now._

_Has anyone else ever had the feeling that Raz is being uncooperative just for the hell of it?_

My husband and I are in contention again – this time over my obvious skill with Raziel and his jumping. It's that bit in the first game in Rahab's little world with the lake and the teeny tiny pillars for Raz to bounce across – and he never seems to have any luck with it.

He takes the controller and lines Raz up with the first jump. He takes so long looking at the angles that Raz gets bored and starts sharpening his claws on the floor.

"He's getting bored," I point out, which earns me a filthy look. 

He makes a decision, and on the screen Raziel crouches, claws swinging. He launches himself up, wings wide, and glides forward.

He makes it to the first platform, but wavers at the second. He presses X. Raziel glides in a long arc towards the pillar -

"Now!" I cry, jolting forward in my seat. "Now now now drop him drop him _drop him!"_

He drops too late: Raziel's hooves scrape at the very edge of the little platform, then he slides into the water and his material form dissolves. 

My husband sits back, exasperated, and guides Raziel through killing a few Sluagh as he runs back to a point where he can climb out. 

"I don't understand it," he says. 

"He just doesn't like you as much as he likes me," I say, smugly. 

This is true, but it's not the whole truth. You see, with these games, Raziel and I have come to an understanding. I never used to be any good at jumping him, either. Truth be told I wasn't much good at making him do anything. 

Anyone who knows me at all knows I can have a vicious temper, and when I first played this game I spent many hours cursing Raziel's name and calling him every derogative term I could think of, and still my accuracy never improved. I threatened him with violence, with abandonment, with relegation to the game shop bargain bin where he came from. Still no luck. The little guy was as uncooperative as a child in a shoe shop and it was starting to irk me severely.

"You deserved to lose those wings! You can't even glide properly, can you?"

"There's a REASON Kain had you killed, you know…don't make history repeat itself, Razzy-boy…"

"Kill him! Kill him! No, no, no, not over THERE…"

"Lever! BEHIND that wall! Does that LOOK like a lever to you, you idiot?"

"You really are doing this just to annoy me, aren't you, you little blue bastard."

…and other phrases to that effect. 

It was in Kain's throne room, that first time, that I had my epiphany. I had hit Kain twice, but catching the little bastard a good one for the third time was proving very difficult.

I had exhausted myself. I was pretty sure little on-screen Raziel was getting pretty fed up with dodging wraiths and getting zapped with Reaver-bolts too. I paused for a moment, stood on the portal, ready to switch back and face the boss level one more time.

"Come on, Raz," I pleaded, speaking softly. "Please? I'm tired, you're tired, but we can't leave it like this. We've hit him twice. One more time, Raz, please. For me."

Raziel, unmoving in Pause mode, still managed to look unimpressed. I hooked him out of it, pressed to shift planes, and flung him at Kain in that last dead run. 

When I saw his claws connect with Kain's face I whooped and nearly launched the controller across the lounge. _Made it_, I was crowing inside, _made it, I did it, I did it…_

_…no_, something made me correct myself, _we did it. _

I watched the cut-scene in a kind of awe, and when Raziel finally collected himself, the new blade curling about his arm in smug glory, I turned him around to face me.

"You and me, kiddo," I told him. "No more insults. I promise. But you do this right for me and there's more than a bag of chips in it for you."

Back in the here and now, I take the controller from my husband. "Shoo away a minute," I tell him. "I'll do it, but I can't have you in the room watching me. Or watching him. You make him nervous and then he misses his jumps."

Husband snorts and stands up. "I was going to make some coffee anyway," he says. 

The real reason I can't have him watching me is that recently Raziel has started…well…let's say I doubted my own sanity, but it means I'm better at jumping than ever before…

I watch his receding back for a long moment, then lean forward and murmur, low enough that I won't be overheard: "Okay, Raz. It's about five jumps or so. Small pillars. But you can do it, can't you?"

On the screen, tiny pixillated Raziel turns towards me for the smallest of seconds and flicks his claws up to his brow in a _yes-boss_ salute, before I move the controls to bring him to the edge of the first ledge. 

My husband arrives back just in time to goggle in annoyed disbelief as Raziel sails down onto the last pillar in a graceful, twirling pirouette, landing on it exact centre and then hurls himself into the final glide to the other side and safety. 

"How did you do that?" he complains. 

"I told you," I say, grinning in delight as Raziel trots obediently into the next room, "he just doesn't like you as much as he likes me."

Husband realises he has forgotten the sugar and stamps back out to get it. I shake my head at the screen. "_Pirouettes, now?" I ask. "Show-off."_

Little Raziel puts his head on one side. I get the idea. If he's going to do it at all, it might as well look good. 

This isn't a failsafe tactic, of course. There are times when either myself or Raziel have a bad day (yes, I'm speaking of the notable _Soul Reaver 2_ Air Forge "jawless f**k" name-calling incident, after which Raziel flatly refused to co-operate for days) and then we both have to admit defeat gracefully and try again after a bit of a break. 

For some reason, this tactic has never yet worked in _Blood Omen 2_ with Kain – which really just goes to prove, being nice to Kain will get you worse than nowhere. Possibly I should try abusing him and see where that gets me…


End file.
